Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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