He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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