Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
