May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
