i think my tv is drunk
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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