they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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