I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
