i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
