Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
