when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
