I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't turn off my feet"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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