this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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