Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
