His hands were made for my vagina.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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