I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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