look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
