We're facebook friends in real life
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
