There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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