I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
