I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
