dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
