My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
