what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
