tell your sister to shave her snatch
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
