i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
