never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
