Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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