I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
