Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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