just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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