I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
