My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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