How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
