Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
