Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I want to be your penis for a week.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
