Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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