I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
