I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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