why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
