I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my shit smells like andre
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
