I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
