i think i have herpe
just one?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
