dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
