he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
