ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
