Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
