Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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