His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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