I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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