Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
