I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
