farters have to be the big spoon...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
