i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
