I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Little spoons don't ask big questions
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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