are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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